Tag Archives: job

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Something occurred to me today as I was sitting at my desk at work and having conversations about blueprints mating and making baby blueprints, and all of us having personal assistant Oompa Loompas….

My job is my Cheers.


Not that we all sit around and drink all day long, although we do, admittedly, discuss it at times. Nope, it’s not like that. It’s a feeling. A feeling of belonging to a weird, funny, dysfunctional family. A feeling of kinship. Of knowing that I can say and do the dumbest shit of all time and these people will love me for it. My job is not glamorous. It’s certainly not making me rich. But I’m good at it. And I laugh more every day at the silly, random conversations we have than should really be allowed at a workplace. These people are my Sam, my Cliff, my Coach, my Diane… Although, I guess I’d be the Diane since I’m one of the few chicks there. I’m far more Carla-like, though, except with a larger ass. But you get what I mean. To some, my job could probably be seen as pointless, and as nothing special. But to me, it’s one of the most stressful, fun, and special places at which I’ve ever had the honor of spending 5 days a week.

Plus, my boss buys me vodka and stuff.

Greatest. Job. Ever.

It’d only be better with a personal assistant Oompa Loompa. I’d name mine Norm. Normpa Loompa.

Ha! See what I did there?

Never mind.


Posted by on April 25, 2014 in Humor


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Is That A Studfinder In Your Pocket, Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?


Well, it’s that time again, folks! No, I’m not talking about Valentine’s Day, although, less than one week until giant Hershey’s Kisses go on clearance! Woot! Anyway, what I meant was that it’s time for another edition of Quotes From The Lumber Yard! I know, I know… It’s been a while. But this Polar Vortex shit really takes a toll on us in the lumber business, and, to be honest, most of our sentences involve, “Holy shit, it’s cold.”, or just a Chewbacca/Sasquatch-like series of painful-sounding grunts. But I did manage to scrape together a few quotes somehow, even though my coworkers are now privy to the fact that this blog exists, and are seemingly in some sort of competition to make it into my blog. “Paula, did you hear that?! Write that down! Write that down!” *Sigh* Thankfully, there is no swimsuit competition involved, because nobody wants to see that. Trust me. Anyway… On to the quotes!

“He had trouble with the damn thing going up and staying up.”

It’s perfectly normal for a man your age.

“The chips they put behind our ears allow us to get 50 yards away before the dogs get us.”

This blog is a cry for help. Someone come save us. Katniss! Peeta!

“You have my permission to violate my locker.”

I don’t know about you guys, but I enjoy a good locker violation during work hours.

” “Ah, I’ve done many things myself…”, he reminisced fondly.”

Just walk away, Paula. Walk. Away.

“You gave birth! That thing’s HUGE!”

I don’t know nothin’ ’bout birthin’ no babies!

“That can’s gonna freeze on your lips!”

The Polar Vortex: Freezing cans to lips since early 2014.

“What’s a cornjerker look like?”

I’d actually kind of like to know the answer to this one.

“Do you have something you want me to jump on?”

Not something you want to hear at work, unless there’s a jumpy castle around. Which would actually be pretty cool. I should bring that up at the next meeting.

“That’s a good-sized unit.”

Thanks… I, uhhh, just had it stuffed?

“Some of ’em are loose, and some of ’em aren’t.”

Also describes my graduating class, actually.

“He has a problem with his explosion. There’s a delay there.”

Again… It’s perfectly normal.

This is starting to reaffirm that fact that although it gets stressful at times, and it’s certainly not glamorous, I really, really love my job. Or at least  my coworkers, without whom this blog would not be possible. It also reaffirms the fact that I may be a 12 year old boy trapped inside a 38 year old woman. Whatevs.

Ha ha… I said ‘unit’ up there.


Posted by on February 10, 2014 in Humor, Life


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