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Tag Archives: acceptance

A Letter To My Big Bro, At Thanksgiving

Dear Jonathan Arthur,

Well, this year will be our first Thanksgiving since you died. And it sucks. I mean, it doesn’t suck- You know how much I love Thanksgiving because I get to hang out with my favorite family ever, AND stuff my face and drink all day long. That stuff’s all still pretty cool. It just really, really sucks that you’re not here to pile your plate with food and then clog my toilet afterwards. Sorry I just told the world about that, but you know it’s true. We all do it. It’s cool. Thanksgiving just won’t be the same without that stuff. It’ll never be the same. I’m trying to accept that- You know, that whole ‘acceptance’ stage of grief- But I’m not sure I ever will. Sometimes if I don’t think about it, I can still sort of pretend you’re still out there somewhere, looking at boobies on the computer. But then I realize you’re not. And holy shit, it’s then that I miss you so much that it hurts. I still cry every single day for you, and every night when I go to sleep, I pray that God will let you come visit me in my dreams. With little Max. And sometimes you do. I’m thankful for that. That even if I can never see you or hear your voice when I’m awake, I get to sometimes when I sleep. It’s not the same, but hey, at least it’s somethin’. I’m also thankful that you’re fully clothed in my dreams, otherwise that’d just be freakin’ weird.

So this Thanksgiving, I’m extra thankful for all of the kickass people I still have here to share food and booze with, and I’m also thankful for all the memories I have with you, and that I got to have you as my big brother. And don’t worry, I’ll still make your disgusting turkey liver crap, even though it makes me want to vomit. Do me a favor and come party with us for a while. Knock some shit off the counter or something. And bring little Max with you. I know you guys are taking care of each other up there.

Happy Thanksgiving, big brother. I’ll eat a giant turkey leg just for you. Well… Sort of for me, too. That shit’s delicious.

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Posted by on November 24, 2014 in Cancer, Life

 

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This Is Me, And I Am Here

There are times I curse my age. Granted, 37 is still a pup to some, but it’s no 32, I’ll tell you that right now. My knees make a Corn-Flakes-being-crunched sound when I go up stairs, my smile lines are slowly creeping down towards my chin, and my boobs… Well, don’t even get me started on what’s happening to my boobs. But one awesome thing I will say about my age is that I’m slowly but surely learning to accept who I am; Complete with my imperfections, including too much swearing, too much Saturday night drinking, falling asleep on my couch at 8pm like a retiree, my occasional insecurities, my emotions, which can get the better of me sometimes, and my all-around dorkiness. For years I tried to change who I am to be who I thought people wanted me to be, and apologized when it turned out I wasn’t. But, I think I’m done with that. As difficult as it is, I’m becoming willing to walk away from people who don’t treat me well, whereas in the past I would’ve kissed their ass to try to change their behavior towards me. But finally… Breakthough! I like me. It took me a long time to say that, but I truly, finally do. So instead of focusing on making dickish people love me, I think it’s time for me to focus on the far smarter people who already do. And that includes myself. If it were possible for me to lick my own face right now, I totally would. I’m gonna go try anyway. Maybe my inner Gene Simmons will come out. That’d be a little badass, not gonna lie. 

 
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Posted by on June 19, 2013 in Humor, Uncategorized

 

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