Category Archives: Sports

For The Love Of Tight Pants

So, today was opening day of baseball.


I suppose I should be excited. This means it’s officially Spring, right? And it’s America’s Favorite Pastime, right???

But… Sadly… I. Just. Can’t.

It’s not that I don’t WANT to care. I really, really do. I feel downright un-American. Baseball seems like something I should be able to get behind. Men in tight pants? Drinking? Shoving encased meats in my face? Sounds kind of great, actually. I mean, I live in Chicago, we have two baseball teams, for God’s sake. Two!

But… I don’t care. I just don’t.

Don’t get me wrong, I love movies about baseball. ‘A League Of Their Own’? Hell yeah, there’s no crying in baseball, bitches! ‘Field Of Dreams’? Preach on, James Earl Jones! ‘Trouble With The Curve’? Ok, I was a little disappointed Justin Timberlake wasn’t in baseball pants, not gonna lie, but I can overlook that because I thoroughly enjoyed the movie, and who doesn’t love Clint Eastwood? Even as an old dude, he’s completely badass. Come on now. But the game itself? Like, dudes hitting a ball with a stick and running around some bases? I don’t get it, guys.


I know… I’m ashamed of me, too.

But seriously, at least bend over a little more, fellas. Don’t let the pants go to waste.

Uhhh… Play ball?



Posted by on April 1, 2014 in Humor, Sports


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