Liebster, Liebster, Liebster!

01 Jun



Ok, ok… So I haven’t blogged in forever. Can I tell you all something? I’m gonna. See, I have a brother that’s pretty ill. I blogged about it a while back. I don’t talk about it a lot because, well, it’s not really a fun thing to talk about. Anyway, a lot of my energy is being expended right now on family, and I’m afraid it’s impeding both my blogging and my Tweeting. It’s a damn shame, really. You guys are missing out on some quality Paula In The Country thoughts. I’m certain you’ve all felt an emptiness inside because of it. Or not. Whatever. Anyway, I was nominated for this award thingy a long time ago, and I’m just now getting around to doin’ this thang. So… here we go:

First off, thank you, for nominating me for such a prestigious award, just for doing nothing other than occasionally amusing myself by rambling about absurd things. I feel like just Jennifer Lawrence at the Oscars, except that I’m totally way cuter. Yep. That’s my story, and I’m stickin’ to it. And now… to answer all these questions. Whew. I’m exhausted already.

1. Do you think having to answer questions for an award is stupid? If so, proceed to the rules, and ignore the questions. You can ignore the rules too! I don’t care. I still like you just the way you are.

I don’t HAVE to answer anything. You can’t make me. You just said so right up there.

2. What color just makes you so happy, and why?

Orange. Because it is the color of carrot cake, and carrot cake makes me happy.

3. Do you have a favorite bug? Why is it your favorite?

I do not have a favorite bug. Except maybe those bugs in the movie Bugs. They were cute. In real life, though, all bugs can pretty much suck it.

4. Do you believe in reincarnation? What is your reason for your belief, and do you feel you have proof if its existence?

Maybe. I’m not really sure. It seems a little farfetched, but my brother swears he was a weed at my parents’ wedding before he was born. True story. My family is weird.

5. How do you define “infinity”? They say our universe is infinite. Can you even conceive of the infinite? I can’t, so don’t feel bad if you can’t either.

This question is requiring me to think hard way too early in the morning, so I’m moving on.

6. What do you think real love is?

Real love means I’m never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around… Wait… That’s a Rick Astley song. Never mind.

7. What do you dream about, if you remember your dreams?

The older I get, the less I remember my dreams. My last memorable one was about mutant puppies and me giving birth to kittens, though. You know, normal stuff. I had nipples on my stomach. Whatevs.

8. Do you believe in living with someone if you’re not married, with all of that packing and trouble for a relationship that could end in a few months?

I think living with someone prior to marriage is a requirement. I ain’t gonna marry someone I know leaves a dribble of pee running down the front of the toilet daily.

9. Do you think all Muslims are evil terrorists? (I don’t). Like all extremists, I think they are a small percentage of the total population.

No, but I think those red hat ladies are.

10. Do you like your nose? If you could have a celebrity’s nose, whose would it be, and would it go with your face, aesthetically speaking?

My nostrils look like peanuts, and I have far too many blackheads, but otherwise my nose is ok. I think I’d like a nose like Jennifer Grey’s new nose, but I think it’d look odd on my big head.

11. Do you believe in God/a Creator, and if you do, do you think God is a man or a woman, or just a Presence or a Being?

I think there’s something out there, but I don’t think I’m smart enough to know what he/she/it is. I’m pretty sure he/she/it has a Samuel L. Jackson voice, though.

Shit… 11 random facts? Good Lord, this is like the SATs up in here. Here we go:

– I have three older brothers. I’m the baby, and the only girl. My parents stopped at me because they knew they had created perfection. Again, that’s my story, and I’m stickin’ to it.

– I’m scared of the ocean, bridges, flying, and bees.

– I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.

– One time in junior high science class, I was reading out loud and I said ‘orgasm’ instead of ‘organism’. It still haunts me to this day.

– I used to be a fat girl in my late teens/early 20’s. Then I got real skinny, then back to semi-fat, and now I’m somewhere in between.

– Yesterday I biked 20 miles, and I feel like someone butt raped me.

– I have a dolphin tattoo on my lower back, and it is the stupidest-looking tattoo ever. Never get a tattoo when you’re 18 years old. I need to start a campaign about this so others don’t ever have to live in shame of their lower back region like I do.

– I love musicals. LOVE them. I’ve actually taken some theatre classes, and I can sing, but sadly, I cannot dance unless it’s an accidental twerk. I wish I’d taken some dance and gotten into the theatre stuff in high school, because it seems like it’s just plain fun.

– I want to go to Greece at least once before I die. I want to see the ruins, eat the food, and sleep with a hot Greek stranger.

– I was a virgin until I was 24 years old. Despite my naughty librarian appearance, I’m really a good girl. But if I ever find the right dude and fall in love, it is SO on.

Hey look, I did 11 already! That wasn’t so hard. Now for my nominees!

And the questions:

1. Do you prefer to blog with or without pants on?

2. Can you please tell me how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?

3. Who would you run into a burning building to save?

4. Are you at all psychic?

5. Have you ever been arrested?

6. What’s your favorite decade?

7. If you could have drinks with one person, living or dead, who would it be, and why?

8. What is your favorite household appliance?

9. Do you believe in ghosts?

10. Why’s the sky blue?

11. What’s your favorite book and/or author?

I think that’s enough questions. I have to go pee.

The rules: (which, of course, are made to be broken)

  1. Thank the person who nominated you and post a link to their blog on your blog. (There’s no need, if you don’t feel like it).
  2. Display the award on your blog–by including it in your post and/or displaying it using a “widget” or a “gadget”. (Don’t feel bad if you don’t know what a “widget” or a “gadget” is. I didn’t either.)
  3. Answer 11 questions about yourself which will be provided to you by the person who nominated you.
  4. Provide 11 random facts about yourself.
  5. Nominate 5 – 11 blogs you feel deserve this award, who have less than 1000 followers.
  6. Create a new list of questions for the blogger to answer.
  7. List these rules on your post. Once you have written published it, you then have to:
  8. Inform people/blogs that you nominated that they have been nominated for the Liebster Award and provide a link for them to your post so they can learn about it (they might not have heard of it!)

Now I have to figure out how to inform my nominees that they’re nominees.

Blogging is hard.


Posted by on June 1, 2014 in Humor


Tags: , , , , , , , ,

21 responses to “Liebster, Liebster, Liebster!

  1. athenenoelle

    June 1, 2014 at 11:04 pm

    See? Now that wasn’t so hard, was it? Hilarious stuff! I’m fascinated with Greece too. I’ve never been, but there are a lot of very delectable Greek men. Are you sure you want to limit yourself to just one?

    Liked by 1 person

    • paulasg75

      June 4, 2014 at 11:21 pm

      Hellooo… I’m a good girl. Also, a lot of those Greek dudes wear Speedos and stuff, and I’m not down for that. I’m pretty picky when it comes to hot Greek strangers. Unless Ouzo is involved.

      Liked by 1 person

      • athenenoelle

        June 5, 2014 at 12:26 am

        Yes, you are right, of course. I am a good girl too, most of the time. I have to say, though, on some men, Speedos work. When in Greece. Regarding Ouzo, I think that could be the cause of some aim issues with the toilet.


  2. Kathleen

    June 3, 2014 at 6:53 pm

    COGRATS on your award!!

    Re: living with someone prior to marriage —- You don’t buy a pair of shoes without trying them on first.

    Re: God — I am pretty sure it is Morgan Freeman’s voice.

    ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • athenenoelle

      June 3, 2014 at 11:34 pm

      Ladies, I must respectfully disagree. You can find out all you need to know about how he lives by visiting his house, having sleepovers, and having him stay with you. The fifth time he leaves the toilet seat up in the middle of the night, and has peed all around the toilet and on the edge of the bowl, he needs to be sacked. No aim, game over. If you never move in with the guy, you never have to utter those five painful words, “Get the hell out now.” Plus, you never have to file that pesky restraining order.


    • paulasg75

      June 4, 2014 at 11:23 pm

      I’m glad someone around here is talking some sense. I simply cannot commit to a lifetime with someone if I’m not absolutely sure I don’t want to boot them in the head after an extended period of time. There are so many factors… bathroom habits, sleeping habits, whether or not you can leave me the hell alone to watch Game Of Thrones…

      Liked by 1 person

      • athenenoelle

        June 5, 2014 at 12:30 am

        But, once again, you can do that by spending a lot of time with them during “sleepovers”. I guess I just object to all of that moving; packing of boxes, unpacking, reorganizing everything, only to find out, as an acting teacher of mine once said, that the guy has one foot in a sock and the other in a running shoe. Why all the bother for someone who may not stick around when you want him there, silently, while you watch “The Game of Thrones”?!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. HemmingPlay

    June 4, 2014 at 10:50 pm

    Awesome. A worthy Liebster-ite if ever there were one. This was a joy to read. And in all seriousness, all the best wishes to you and your family for a good outcome.

    Couple of other points… I agree with Athenenoelle. No aim, no mulligans–no way Jose. There are standards, and competent, dripless marksmanship is one elementary skill we guys should master by age 5, at the latest.

    But, just for the sake of argument, I don’t get the toilet seat meme, A. Wouldn’t it be equally fair to say to the woman that, if she really respects me, that she will lift the seat up after *she’s* done? I don’t see why one priority outranks the other. And for either of us, how hard is it to check first, really? 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • paulasg75

      June 4, 2014 at 11:24 pm

      Because leaving the toilet seat up just looks messy. I don’t want to stare at toilet water every time I have to pee. Especially if you’ve left any skidmarks in the bottom of the toilet bowl. I can’t believe I even just said that out loud. Look what you made me do!

      Liked by 2 people

      • HemmingPlay

        June 4, 2014 at 11:29 pm

        Well, those are good points and I hadn’t thought of these things. I was speaking in an ideal toilet abstract sort of way. You introduce skid marks and BAM! we come crashing (or splashing) back to earth again.

        (It’s the middle-of-the-night-dropping-an-unexpected-half-inch-to-cold-porcelain that’s the problem, isn’t it?)

        I’d rather live in a perfect world that the real one, any day.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Kathleen

      June 5, 2014 at 5:14 pm

      OH MY GOD!!!!! “And for either of us, how hard is it to check first, really?”

      LET ME ANSWER THIS QUESTION FOR YOU. (deep breaths, keep calm, Kathleen) Checking first is not at ALL the SAME for “either” of us. For as much as men claim superiority because they can pee standing up. WOMAN can pee in the DARK. *** So the scenario goes, the happy newlyweds, are in Maui on their honeymoon (my story, my choice of vacation spots). After a sun filled day, yummy dinner, and much sex, the newlyweds drift off to sleep on their high thread count sheets. Later the man wakes to go to the bathroom. In the bathroom he turns on the light so he can see to pee (yet manages to pee on the edges anyway because he not really awake, and because that’s what men do.) Later still, the beautiful young bride, wakes to go to the bathroom and does not turn on the light because it is not required for her. She too is not really awake, and she prefers not to blind herself unnecessarily, so as she sits on the toilet her pristine ass falls into cold, disgusting toilet water, slides around on the pee-spattered edges, and some screaming ensues. This event grosses her out and shakes her up quite a bit, and unless there is some groveling and at least some promises of never again leaving the toilet seat up, there will likely be no more sex on the honeymoon.

      So now you know! It is not ‘just as easy’ for either of us to check first.

      And FURTHER MORE . . . “Wouldn’t it be equally fair to say to the woman that, if she really respects me, that she will lift the seat up after *she’s* done?” Unfortunately for you, NO! She sits on that seat to poop. YOU sit on that seat to poop. She sits on that seat to pee, YOU prefer to pee standing up, — you COULD, literally, pee sitting down, making the DOWN position of the seat, it’s ‘natural’ state. Plus she pees 300 more times a day than you do, (fair?) especially if she ends up incubating YOUR children. If you are wise enough to recognize the truth of this time-proven and sage advice that I am sharing with you, you will be thanking me in your head for the rest of your life.

      — YOUR WELCOME 😀

      Liked by 3 people

      • HemmingPlay

        June 5, 2014 at 5:24 pm

        No fair! I was taking a drink of a bubbly beverage and you got me laughing so hard It almost came out of my nose.

        I can see that my research has clearly failed to take in a large enough sample, and bow to your evidence. I am thanking you in my head; and yes, you will have to take my word for that.

        I was going to try to defend my “we both could check” comment, meaning checking with one’s fingers delicately around the edge to see where the seat was, up or down. But then you recount living with a human lawn sprinkler, which makes even that simple move a risky one. So, game, set and match to you.


        Liked by 3 people

  4. athenenoelle

    June 5, 2014 at 12:23 am

    You are absolutely right about the age at which a man should master his marksmanship. But for some odd reason, there are those out there who still stubbornly refuse! Perhaps they are marking their territory, but frankly, when they do it that way, it is no longer their territory. They are summarily dismissed. There are other, way more lovely ways to claim this chiquita. As for the toilet seat, I don’t like to touch it at all, to put it up or down. To heck with equal rights and all of that nonsense. I still like a man who insists upon paying for meals, opens doors for me, even though I can do it myself, and putting the toilet seat down for me. Until you have gotten up in the middle of the night only to end up with your backside wedged in an open toilet, could you possibly understand the horrors that await we women when men carelessly leave it open. Oh, the terror! That enough to ruin this woman’s dreams.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. athenenoelle

    June 5, 2014 at 5:58 pm

    HemmingPlay and Kathleen-Out of respect for Paula’s being nominated for this prestigious award, I feel that we should keep the pee-pee, poo-poo comments to the bare bottom. This conversation needs to be flushed. (with the seat cover down, of course.) 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Kathleen

    June 5, 2014 at 9:20 pm

    Paula, I can’t seem to reply, to a reply, of a reply, etc. Could I bother you to expand your threaded (nested) comments please? (Unless you would rather we only talk to you, and not to each other, which I would TOTALLY understand).


    Liked by 2 people

  7. paulasg75

    July 2, 2014 at 6:02 pm

    How the fuck am I supposed to expand nested comments? That sounds way too complicated.


    • Kathleen

      July 2, 2014 at 6:42 pm

      Settings – Discussion – then about 7 check boxes down. It defaults to 3 but you can set it to 10.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Kathleen

    July 2, 2014 at 6:45 pm

    It seems to be my destiny to share this bit of wisdom with many, many wonderful people like you . . . . . . people who have infinitely more interesting and more popular blogs than I. The irony is not lost on me. —– You have a spastic butt. I have a spastic blog. ❤ ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Kathleen

    July 2, 2014 at 6:57 pm

    Aw Crap! I just saw above, that I spelled ‘You’re Welcome’ wrong. (I was OVER excited about my toilet seat story) —- If you love me Paula, you will fix it . . . . ❤

    . . . . i also typed woman when I meant women . . . Just sayin' —- if you are going in there anyway 😀

    Liked by 1 person


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: