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You Like Me! You REALLY Like Me!

03 May

After I was snubbed yet again as a nominee for this year’s Daytime Emmy Awards, it occurred to me that perhaps I should start my OWN daytime award show. I will call them The Paulas, because clearly, I’m super original. As originator of The Paula, naturally, I will only include categories which I would surely win. They are as follows:

Best Accidental Use Of Oragel As Toothpaste

Because hellooo… at 5:00am, a tube is a tube. Someone should really mark them more clearly.

Best Performance In Lathering To The Beat Of ‘Love Shack’ While Shampooing

Tiiiiiiiiin roof! Rusted.

Best Use Of A Loofah As A Microphone

It’s not just for ass exfoliation any more.

Best Accidental Twerk While Tripping Down Stairs

Stairs are hard.

Best Use Of Restraint In Not Swearing Out Loud While Answering The Gas Pump’s 84,000 Questions

FOR THE LAST TIME, I DO NOT WANT A CAR WASH.

Best Overuse Of Free Workplace French Vanilla Coffee Creamer

If I could get away with pumping the entire contents directly into my mouth, I would.

Best Furrowed Brow Facial Expression While Pretending To Work

No… Uhh… I wasn’t looking at baby goat videos… (Tee hee, they’re just so cute, though.)

Most Runs To The Bathroom To Keep From Having To Listen To Annoying Coworkers

Sometimes, you just gotta be one with the toilet to keep from choking someone. Write that down.

Best Car Dance Performance Which Ends Abruptly When Next To Someone At A Stoplight

Oh… Hey, hot dude next to me… No, I wasn’t just rocking out to Hall & Oates… But, perhaps you DO make-a my dreams come true. You-ooh, you-ooh.

And last, but most certainly not least:

Best Use Of Jerk-Off Motion While Talking On Phone

Because seriously… I have e-mail for a reason, folks. Duh.

Now I must go, because I’m sure Vera Wong or Dolce & Yo Gabba Gabba want to design me a gown or something.

Thank you.

 

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9 Comments

Posted by on May 3, 2014 in Humor

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

9 responses to “You Like Me! You REALLY Like Me!

  1. athenenoelle

    May 3, 2014 at 8:10 pm

    You are delightfully insane! You should try talking into your shoe instead of being on a cell phone while driving. That one’s fun. Just check for coppers. That would definitely be considered a distraction from driving, and would not be in compliance with the recommended “10:00 and 2:00” hand positions.

    Like

     
    • paulasg75

      May 4, 2014 at 2:01 pm

      I love that you just used the word ‘coppers’.

      Like

       
  2. hectorgany

    May 5, 2014 at 4:30 pm

    Awesome

    Liked by 1 person

     
  3. Phil Taylor

    May 12, 2014 at 11:34 pm

    I want a recount on the twerking while falling down the stairs. I was robbed!

    Liked by 2 people

     
  4. athenenoelle

    May 12, 2014 at 11:36 pm

    I agree with Phil on that one. An accidental twerk while falling down stairs? That’s just something you have to see at least once in your lifetime.

    Liked by 1 person

     
  5. athenenoelle

    May 17, 2014 at 9:57 pm

    I have officially nominated you for the Liebster Award. You may ignore it if you like, but I found it fun to do! No obligation. šŸ˜‰
    No really…no obligation. Only if it seems like something that would be fun, and you know bloggers who are under appreciated. šŸ˜‰
    Cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

     
    • paulasg75

      May 18, 2014 at 1:10 pm

      Holy crap.. I haven’t come on here in a while because of some family stuffs happening. What the hell is a Liebster Award? Is it a good thing? I assume it is. Should I know this? I’m a bad blogger, man. Haha!

      Like

       
  6. Kathleen

    May 26, 2014 at 6:29 pm

    “Sometimes, you just gotta be one with the toilet to keep from choking someone.” Write it DOWN? This should be on one of those motivational posters, with a BIG picture of a mountain, or a stream, or something.

    — or at least embroidered on a pillow. (I’d buy that pattern) ā¤

    Liked by 1 person

     
  7. paulasg75

    June 1, 2014 at 1:00 pm

    I, too, would buy that pillow.

    Liked by 1 person

     

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