I’m Going To Annoy The Crap Out Of You Now

11 Apr

It occurred to me today, as I was participating in the time-suck we call Facebook, that there are a whole lot of cranky people out there. Frankly, I find it disturbing. Sure, I suppose our natural tendency as humans is to complain about stuff, and I’ll admit that I’m guilty of it Imagemyself on occasion. Usually at work after a night of insomnia and a morning of dealing with bad people. But as a whole, I really try to be happy, and positive, and cheerful, and annoying as crap, and to not take one single tiny thing for granted, and to say really dumb stuff to try to make people laugh, even if it’s just for a second, because a second of laughter is so much better than a second of being all frowny. Write this shit down. I’m spewing wisdom here. Someone should really consider carving my head into a mountain or something. I’m gonna get on that. You guys know any good mountain carvers? If so, hook me up. Anyway, right now, I’m going to share all the things that are making me extremely happy right at this very moment, because complaining is dumb.

1. I’m eating a pork chop with my hands like some sort of caveperson, and messy eating is just fun.

2. I got carded for wine today. 38 years old, what? Not me.

3. I have no bra on, and my boobs are like, “Ahhhhhhh.”.

4. There is sunshine on my big toe, which is greatly in need of a pedicure, which I may just have to do this weekend.

5. My little dog just sneezed a bit of pork chop on my leg, and that made me laugh.

6. I spy a bottle of Sweet Red with my name on it over there on the counter.

7. Nothing hurts. Not even the mysterious intermittent right buttcheek pain I’ve been experiencing the past day. Don’t ask me what that’s all about.

8. Spring flowers I bought last Sunday are still as fresh as the day I bought them, and brightening my dining room table.

9. All the bills sitting next to my computer are paid, and I even have money left over for some new Dr. Pepper flavored lip balm or somethin’.

10. I have a date with a very nice comic book artist next weekend, and he’s promised me the best cheeseburger in Chicago. I have high hopes for this burger. And for the date, I guess.

11. My family is all alive and well and crazy and all mine.

12. Imagine Dragons ‘On Top Of The World’ playing on my iPod, and it just makes me smile.

13. I don’t have to do a damn thing for the next 6 hours except plop my booty on the couch and watch a chick flick while drinking wine.

14. Life is just good.

There you have it, folks. If I haven’t sufficiently annoyed you with my happiness, then you’re probably just a robot. I’ll try harder next time. For now, though, it’s Wine Thirty. Pants are comin’ off, TV’s goin’ on. Do not disturb.



Posted by on April 11, 2014 in Humor, Life


Tags: , , , , , , , ,

20 responses to “I’m Going To Annoy The Crap Out Of You Now

  1. The Waiting

    April 12, 2014 at 12:11 am

    Yessssss. Life is too short to mope, especially on Facebook. The fact that you put your leftover earnings towards Dr. Pepper lip balm makes me love you. Hope it’s not too early for me to say that.


    • paulasg75

      April 12, 2014 at 2:46 pm

      Not at all. In fact, I may love you for loving me for loving Dr. Pepper lip balm.


  2. Elizabeth Ann

    April 12, 2014 at 10:47 am

    Great job!


    • paulasg75

      April 12, 2014 at 2:46 pm

      Thanks! It’s a little fun to be annoying happy sometimes.


  3. p2gm

    April 12, 2014 at 8:08 pm

    The secrets to all happiness, very well said!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. athenenoelle

    May 3, 2014 at 2:39 am

    If you are going to piss people off, it might as well be with your stubbornness against misery, and your embracing of absurd, inexplicable joy. I totally get you!
    I know somebody who might be able to carve you in sand, but I’ll keep my ears open for mountain carvers. I live in Los Angeles, so there aren’t that many mountains around to carve, or mountain carvers. Plus, I think the ones that are around are pretty well protected by some preservation group or something. The mountains, not the carvers. Good luck with the comic book artist guy.


    • paulasg75

      May 3, 2014 at 12:08 pm

      This may be the greatest comment of all time!

      Liked by 1 person

    • athenenoelle

      May 3, 2014 at 8:16 pm

      Thanks! I have a great appreciation for the ridiculous and people who make me laugh.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Big Blogger of Knowledge

    May 3, 2014 at 5:14 pm

    Good lord, I love that bra-less “Ahhhhhh” feeling. Inspires me to pretty much go bra-less most days, save for professional things. Or days I’m feeling extra hoochie-mama-ish.


    • paulasg75

      May 3, 2014 at 5:37 pm

      Sometimes it really pisses me off that I don’t have small enough boobs to go braless all the time, yet they aren’t big enough to make men go “Daaaaamn!”. Why do I have to be so average-boobed? Why???


      • athenenoelle

        May 3, 2014 at 8:36 pm

        There’s this place called Victoria’s Secret, (I really wish they would be more secretive-I’m bloody sick of their catalogues, and their clothes suck, at least in my limited experience). Their bras feel like you’re wearing a straightjacket, but the right ones can make your boobs look HUGE! If you are a C, buy a D; if a D, buy DD. They assume that our sense of self-esteem is connected to our cup size, so they super-size them. It’s kind of an adorably pathetic way of supporting women’s confidence and our tits. Besides, isn’t it all about the butt now? That’s all the news Yahoo! can seem to come up with these days: “The 50 Best Celebrity Butts”, assetera.


        • paulasg75

          May 4, 2014 at 1:59 pm

          I actually consider myself a butt girl. I appreciate a good ‘I can tell you do squats’ butt, not gonna lie.

          Liked by 1 person

          • athenenoelle

            May 5, 2014 at 2:29 am

            I agree about the recently vogue squat butts, and I aspire to have the roundest, firmest bum possible. But, you know we want it all because we’re greedy, and because we read too many stupid articles that make us feel like we’re either too big, or not big enough.

            Liked by 1 person

      • Big Blogger of Knowledge

        May 3, 2014 at 11:04 pm

        Average… and proud!

        Liked by 1 person

  6. onehindu

    May 3, 2014 at 9:28 pm

    “because a second of laughter is so much better than a second of being all frowny. Write this shit down. Iā€™m spewing wisdom here.” You made me laugh out loud- thanks for that šŸ™‚


  7. athenenoelle

    May 5, 2014 at 4:19 am

    Friendly suggestion: you might not want to state that you are a “butt girl” on your dating website. Some might get the wrong idea. Unless…you want them to…?

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Kathleen

    July 2, 2014 at 5:36 pm

    This blog post got lost behind the couch sooo . . . sorry I am late šŸ˜€

    I so agree with #1. I LOVE ribs and I like to say, “If I don’t get it in my hair, I’m not really trying.”

    You can use that line if you’d like ā¤ ā¤

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Kathleen

    July 2, 2014 at 5:39 pm

    Also, have you figured out what the butt cheek pain was? Cuz it sounds like sciatica.

    Liked by 1 person

    • paulasg75

      July 2, 2014 at 5:59 pm

      I think it was just a random butt spasm.



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