Single In The Country

19 Jan

You may have gathered by now that I’m a single girl. Shocking, I know. I mean, all this wit, this charm, this beauty, these unshaven winter legs? Anyway, since I rarely visit hot spots to scope out man meat, I’ve resorted to online dating. I suppose in this day and age, it’s nothing to be ashamed about. I mean, it’s much easier getting to know people online rather than attempting to hold a whiskey-soaked conversation in a loud bar, let’s face it. I’ve met some very nice men, some not-so-nice men, and… Let’s say I’ve gotten some fairly amusing messages that make me question… Well… They make me question pretty much everything about the male psyche. I have to admit, though, I am mildly entertained by some of these dudes, and I figured I’d share some of my faves with you. All names have been omitted to protect the innocent, and the clueless.

“Hi ! Would you date a guy who wore speedos”

Seriously? I mean, I give you points for originality, dude, but… Seriously? And the answer is no. It’s just not a good look for anyone.

“yes, i was checking out your profile.. I’m not asking you to marry me nor my asking to decide on the type of cake we are to buy at our wedding. Believe it or not I have put the wedding planner on hold for now. Lol so tell me what I need to do to win a morsel of your attention? i look forward to your reply. :-)”

Good thing he didn’t ask me to marry him, because I’d have rushed right out and gotten a dress, And… A ‘morsel of my attention’? That part makes me want chocolate chip cookies, not gonna lie.

“Hi. I want to know you! You’re nerdy, have above butt, and bake. A good start. :-“

I’m still trying to figure out what an ‘above butt’ is.

“Hello. Would like to talk and get to know you, I am a down to earth guy. Can be funny at times ok most of the time. You never know what I will say after I get to know you. As I have said to friends I don’t have a filter on my mouth any more. Lol but I do know when and where to be good and watch what I say around people that don’t know me that well. Chocolate. I am looking for my best friend in life someone to go for bike rides on weekends and just get away and find that little bar that has the best cupcakes I meant meant burger. I am bad. I would have no problem going to the store and getting what ever you need. Hell I even had to take a stool sample in for my ex one time because she was to sick to go out of the house. It is part of being in a relationship you help each other out when one is down. I hope I did better than just one word that you have been getting. Pie so I do hope to maybe talk and get to know you better. All that I ask is for honesty if you are honest with me I will be the same with you. You can ask me anything you want and I will tell you the truth.”

It’s like a train wreck… I want to stop reading, but I just can’t.

“Hey im 18 5’5 135Ibs white 🙂 Want to chat and see what happens? Maybe meetup sometime? Gotta be discreet tho:)”

Yeah, have your mom drop you off at my place. Make sure she packs you a lunch.

“I love you”

A little too soon, pal. Just a tad.

“Hii 🙂 **high five** I know I know im 26 buuutt I would love to get know you”

If you’re virtually high-fiving me, should I expect our date to involve the nearest Taco Bell and some video games?

And, my personal favorite…

“Can I massage your feet”

Couldn’t make this shit up if I tried, folks. Actually, I could use a good foot massage. Maybe I should rethink that one.



Posted by on January 19, 2014 in Humor, Life


Tags: , , , , , ,

11 responses to “Single In The Country

  1. Phil Taylor

    January 20, 2014 at 2:48 am

    That stuff is hilarious! No surprise those guys haven’t been snatched up. There should be a dating site for bloggers so you can get to know each other through reading each others blog archives.


    • paulasg75

      January 20, 2014 at 11:23 pm

      I like it. We could call is ‘Blove’.


      • Phil Taylor

        January 20, 2014 at 11:35 pm

        Maybe you could start it. Who knows? Could be a money making idea.


  2. Sean Smithson

    January 25, 2014 at 11:40 am

    La La forced me to come here. I can see why…


    • paulasg75

      January 25, 2014 at 2:14 pm

      I hope it wasn’t too painful for you.


  3. Kathleen

    January 25, 2014 at 8:56 pm

    La La didn’t actully FORCE me to come here, it was more of a verbal command. A stern suggestion. AnyHOO . . .
    Train wreck guy is just using subliminal messaging * pie * to make you think * martini * you want to date him. Sadly, I give him points for that. You should try it on him * hairly legs *


    • paulasg75

      January 25, 2014 at 9:12 pm

      She can be pretty frightening when she uses those stern tones. I would consider subliminal message guy were it not for the fact he was 52 and extremely large. And if he’d used slightly better punctuation. Why can’t I just find a nice train wreck my own age???


      • Kathleen

        January 25, 2014 at 9:20 pm

        Nice train wrecks are hard to come by.


  4. Kathleen

    January 25, 2014 at 9:22 pm

    Which reminds me of a joke 😀
    Please delete it if you think people will be offended.

    All the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.


    • paulasg75

      January 25, 2014 at 9:28 pm

      Ha ha! I rarely care if people are offended. I’m pretty sure only 2 people read this anyway. LOL!


      • Kathleen

        January 25, 2014 at 9:32 pm

        Well it will be more if La La has her way.



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